Ewan Gleadow

Movie Review: Wonder Woman 84

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Copyright: Warner Bros. Pictures

 

Think of the many stalwart champions of the arts that utilise 1984 as a period of reflection or warning. George Orwell’s book will hopefully spring to mind, a stark warning against dystopian nightmares. The hellscape he envisioned did not take into account comic book superheroes dominating the box office, and a global pandemic.

Orwell must’ve thought that a bit too bleak a concept.

As the 80s period appears to be the zenith for Hollywood appeal, it does make begrudging sense for them to wheel out this decade over and over again. Still, doing so with Wonder Woman 1984 is an odd choice. Are they so devoid of creativity that their only greenlit project is to inject synthnotes into the DC Extended Universe?

Apparently so, considering this Patty Jenkins-directed piece ushers in the newest entrant into such a failing universe of poor filmmaking.

To refresh my memory and taste of what Wonder Woman had to offer would be the equivalent of gargling dishwater. A bland and disgustingly poor idea, one that would offer only social embarrassment, an aftertaste that would never dissipate, and wasted time.

I’ve no time to waste, not now that I skid towards ‘elderly’ age; 21 has provided me with an immense backlog of problems, one of them being Wonder Woman 1984. Flavourless terrors are on display throughout this hefty slog of a film, somehow clocking in at two and a half hours and having nothing to show for it.

Considering how overwhelmed and oversaturated the market has become now; it is a surprise to see Wonder Woman 1984 flounder in such horrid mediocrity. Gal Gadot comes across as charmless and bland as ever, her weak chemistry with Chris Pine a staple of the first film.

Instead, Jenkins offers up a handful of brief, boring action and a heavy dose of sedating plot-heavy nonsense. Pedro Pascal gets off lightly with his surprisingly lukewarm quality as villainous Maxwell Lord. Kristen Wiig also appears, doing nothing worth discussing – because audiences will absolutely have seen these cliché moments before.

Wonder Woman 1984 feels incredibly dated.

Noticeably poor CGI littered throughout some severe cases of exposition, which would be acceptable if the writing weren’t flashing between bouts of severe predictability and superhero filibuster. Typecast notes of faux-girl power, the marketing is there, but the heart is lost entirely.

Very flat direction, Jenkins and her crew take interesting prospects and steamroll the life out of them, Overindulgent nonsense that is simply not fit for human consumption. Muted and expressionless, with caricatures of banal characters appearing frequently. Had it been competently assembled; this could’ve been at least fun, but it’s simply soul-sapping, lacking both entertaining blockbuster moments and anything more than novel interest in its characters.