Movie Review: Locked Down
Modern mishaps and major events give way for a barrage of content that will pick apart, collate and create moments of interest in truly distressing times. So close to the event it wishes to depict, Locked Down hasn’t even the good grace to wait for the end of this horrid affair. A drought of quality writing may be more prevalent and costly than we could have possibly known, and tragic it may be to think that the only content trickling out this year are of a similarly low quality to this Anne Hathaway-led piece, it is something audiences will simply have to get over and deal with.
Ironically for those in the United Kingdom, Locked Down won’t see itself enter those blessed theatres and cinemas, and we’re all the better off for it. Implying that the only purpose paying customers have is for them to work or die, like monotonous, mid-life crisis inflicted drones, Locked Down does not put the best foot forward. To inject any semblance of genuine passion or life into this would make all the difference. Director Doug Liman does nothing here to suggest that this was a project with heart. Travelling quickly through the takeout reliance, COVID conspiracies, and modern politics with such sparse variety, it all congeals into a blob of nothingness. Well and truly the only saving grace would be some form of escape. Alas, we are trapped in the various iPads that dominate a locked-down lifestyle.
Just because those of us at home have poor quality microphones when Zooming with our relatives does not mean Locked Down can excuse its poor quality, not just in these faux, stagnant scenes of apparent bonding, but of its need to grab the low hanging fruit. Friends checking in on other friends is all well and good, but Liman is completely deaf to the mental impact of constant lockdowns and being far away from family members. Locked Down is heartless, spiralling out of control when it turns its flaccid love story into a confused and inarticulate heist scenario. None of it is pulled off with the slightest bit of consistency or competency, and the end result is a mixture of laughably poor performances from everyone involved, notably Chiwetel Ejiofor and Anne Hathaway, and a dead-eyed expression, glazed over the faces of these poor supporting cast members.
Checking off all the inconsistencies and rapid changes we’ve had to deal with this past year, Locked Down can merely replicate the misery, and does little, if anything, to suggest it is worth viewing. A flimsy storyline that proves even when adapted to the digital, isolated age, you can still turn in a script with all the mediocre, tried and tested hallmarks of truly bland filmmaking. How this fruitless piece of insulting, humourless garbage clocked in at nearly two hours is beyond comprehension. A sad, sad waste of such an incredible cast. Let us hope that this is not a sign of things to come.